Postby SockFiddler » Fri May 29, 2020 10:14 am
That's not, like, totally suspicious at all - we mention monkeys and Kharma in the same breath and, boom, Dudley shows up.
It reminds me of that one time we were all drinking and Dawg says that he's certain he knows the location of a Thargoid Titty Bar, and if he's right then we'll be able to change the actual course of history because it would demonstrate that Thargoids:
1. Have titties
2. Like titties
3. Are willing to pay for titties
Which would mean that, by combining our (Al's) tremendous wealth with Tor's penchant for Orang whores, we could literally broker a titty peace agreement and end the stupid Thargoid war. Except Kharma didn't want to end the war, he just wanted "A nice, firm tit" so we bought him that monkey and called it "Firm Tit" and left it in the pilot's seat of his dumb asp x and Kharma was FURIOUS (I think it was when Firm Tit started flinging its own shit?) and was all "WHO DID THIS?!" and we were all "LORI DID IT" and then...
... oh, that's what happened to Lori's cutter.
ANYWAY. Firm Tit had to flee for its life (into the air ducts in Roed Odegaard Port in Brestla), where - BY AMAZING CO-INCIDENCE - another monkey had escaped to months earlier (remember the one that stole Kharma's straw hat?!) and then they started throwing shit, stealing stuff and having babies and, boom, now that coriolis has a monkey problem. Which is when Tor decides to hire the holoscreens outside the envelope and use them to project a film of a digi-faked Kharma doing unspeakable things to all manner of primates.
Now Kharma is known throughout Brestla as CMDR Monkey-Fucker and eventually the controling coriolis factions have to purge the ventilation ducts of all monkey stuff, which they do by filling them with fire and venting them into space, one by one by one. Except for the last section, they net a bunch of the singed monkeys on their way out, bundle them together and deliver them to Kharma's ugly asp X complete with a bill for the entire monkey purge.
His ship absolutely reeked of burned monkey that time, too. Totally reminds me of that.
"Drink fast, die young"
"You may ask who was wearing the bow tie; me or the shark. The answer is: YES."