Elite: Dangerous PvE - Mobius

Look, I've said it once and I'll say it again, your fixation with the waste outflow conduits on those ugly things is unhealthy. And Tor just showed me pictures of last Christmas Eve and, good fucking god, man, how did it not fall off?!

THE POINT IS...

It's time to get you and your ugly sartorial choices a "Grown-Up" ship and leave the Swallow-It-All Machine on Galnet Pornhub where it belongs.

Seriously, haven't you had enough of chafing yourself against that metal pipe already?!

Lots of non-sticky love,

Socks xoxoxoxoxox



P.S. Fly. Soon.

@Kharma Your Asp-x flies like a brick and smells like a burnt monkey.

That's burnt monkey? Genuinely, I thought that was from the last hair removal procedure he had done over in Orang when he heard they would suck harder if there weren't any bristles.

Wild.

What the fuck were you doing with the monkey, Kharma?

You really do not want to know.

Okay, now I really, really do...

Shh..for goodness sake, don't speak of the monkey!!!

That's not, like, totally suspicious at all - we mention monkeys and Kharma in the same breath and, boom, Dudley shows up.

It reminds me of that one time we were all drinking and Dawg says that he's certain he knows the location of a Thargoid Titty Bar, and if he's right then we'll be able to change the actual course of history because it would demonstrate that Thargoids:

1. Have titties
2. Like titties
3. Are willing to pay for titties

Which would mean that, by combining our (Al's) tremendous wealth with Tor's penchant for Orang whores, we could literally broker a titty peace agreement and end the stupid Thargoid war. Except Kharma didn't want to end the war, he just wanted "A nice, firm tit" so we bought him that monkey and called it "Firm Tit" and left it in the pilot's seat of his dumb asp x and Kharma was FURIOUS (I think it was when Firm Tit started flinging its own shit?) and was all "WHO DID THIS?!" and we were all "LORI DID IT" and then...

... oh, that's what happened to Lori's cutter.

ANYWAY. Firm Tit had to flee for its life (into the air ducts in Roed Odegaard Port in Brestla), where - BY AMAZING CO-INCIDENCE - another monkey had escaped to months earlier (remember the one that stole Kharma's straw hat?!) and then they started throwing shit, stealing stuff and having babies and, boom, now that coriolis has a monkey problem. Which is when Tor decides to hire the holoscreens outside the envelope and use them to project a film of a digi-faked Kharma doing unspeakable things to all manner of primates.

Now Kharma is known throughout Brestla as CMDR Monkey-Fucker and eventually the controling coriolis factions have to purge the ventilation ducts of all monkey stuff, which they do by filling them with fire and venting them into space, one by one by one. Except for the last section, they net a bunch of the singed monkeys on their way out, bundle them together and deliver them to Kharma's ugly asp X complete with a bill for the entire monkey purge.

His ship absolutely reeked of burned monkey that time, too. Totally reminds me of that.

Fuck off blaming me for the monkey......

That was Dawgs "friend".......

Dozy fucker gave him a battle weapon......Boom........Riff Raffs = Fucked

All that twat had to say was "I fell"......

Ruined one of the best credit card scams we had going......

That's what you get by befriending strangers on chat many years ago and shooting the shit in a station when pissed......

Then all of a sudden I'm surrounded by other retards......

Sheesh.........

Good times....

P.S

I now fly a Python and a Krait MkII. Still have the useless piece of shit that is the fer de lance (Don't get me started on that). Still have 2 Asps though and a few smaller ships......Viper MkV NO....Just NO....Think I've still got the Viper MkIII special edition somewhere....Must learn to fly again.......

Well get on the discord then, me an dsocks are teaching her new boyfriend how to fly from scratch.

Nice polite fella, but we will fix him of that I'm sure

TorTorden wrote:Well get on the discord then, me an dsocks are teaching her new boyfriend how to fly from scratch.

Nice polite fella, but we will fix him of that I'm sure

Oh my. Fun times incoming!

I now fly a Python and a Krait MkII. Still have the useless piece of shit that is the fer de lance (Don't get me started on that). Still have 2 Asps though and a few smaller ships......Viper MkV NO....Just NO....Think I've still got the Viper MkIII special edition somewhere....Must learn to fly again.......

Ooof, sounds like a tough break-up, CMDR Chimp-Lover.

Incidentally, when you're flying your pretty-but-dumb Ferdy, remember that the size of that massive cannon doesn't matter: it's what you do with it that counts.

Snugs, babes!

xoxoxox