Elite: Dangerous PvE - Mobius

Geopan wrote:Damn!!!

I did not want to read it. I wanted to wait until you have 3-4 chapters in. Now I'll have to wait ...

I am probably ungrateful, but it seemed so short... (ps It was not!)

Nice link - chapter though, after the action peak of last week and the future development.

Glad to know that even though it was not Action Packed it was enough to keep some people wanting more. Working on it, trust me.

Loved the last two, happily anticipating anything coming

Excellent, Loriath! As usual, I can’t wait for the next chapter.

Some notes :

Uncle was just expressing his opinion on some of the adjustments that have to be made to make sure your you’re happy living on board this old barge.

I had to at that point turn around to keep from completely losing it. That sentence is a bit weird. I’d either add commas (I had to, at that point, turn around) or just reverse it (At that point I had to turn around).

As I stepped to the chair and sat, I noticed he was actually making notes with paper and pen.

“Good” I said. “So when do I begin, and what are the details?” Mr. Jessop filled me in and I left his office a while later on my way to the hangar to await my first load. I’d add a break between this paragraph and the next. I mean something like:

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Thanks and fixed, but I am not sure I understand your paragraph break. There is already one there. ??

Loriath wrote:Thanks and fixed, but I am not sure I understand your paragraph break. There is already one there. ??

There is only a paragraph break. I’m suggesting more, because you switch from some kind of present (or direct) narrative:

“Good” I said. “So when do I begin, and what are the details?”

… to some kind of past (or indirect) narrative:

The next few days were a blur. I was managing a run a day, to Trevithick Dock and back.

Sorry I don’t have the right words for describing those two modes, but they’re different enough, IMO, that they should be separated more clearly. See what I mean?

Got it. I see what you mean now. I broke that up a little bit more. Let me know what you think.

Yeah, seems to be better.

I know its been a while. I got sidetracked with things, but I have a new one up and more to come later this week.

http://loriath.cmdrslogs.net/enlisted-and-confused/

Excellent as always, suddenly have an overwhelming urge to do some rank up missions.

I have to say, reading your stories really helps to flesh out the game, every time I fly into a Coriolis station I think about the people in their apartments watching the ships come and go. Now I'll have an image of grey functional dullness when ever I see a Federation mission, I'm interested to see how you describe the Empire navy if and when you get there.

Will the Order ever appear in your stories? Now that will be really interesting! (not that the rest isn't of course).

(Saw a typo or two, but I won't steal Flip's thunder )

Xebeth wrote:Excellent as always, suddenly have an overwhelming urge to do some rank up missions.

I have to say, reading your stories really helps to flesh out the game, every time I fly into a Coriolis station I think about the people in their apartments watching the ships come and go. Now I'll have an image of grey functional dullness when ever I see a Federation mission, I'm interested to see how you describe the Empire navy if and when you get there.

Will the Order ever appear in your stories? Now that will be really interesting! (not that the rest isn't of course).

(Saw a typo or two, but I won't steal Flip's thunder )

If you remember, Loriath grew up in the Empire. I am sure he will still be quite surprised at some of the stations. And as far as OoM, well its obvious that he will, after all, I, er I mean He has already been to Azrael. But its how he gets there that is interesting. As you can imagine, it will be quite a journey, as it has been for us all.