Heart & Soul

Tell us your stories of Elite: Dangerous!
El_Guapo_Gaucho
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Heart & Soul

Postby El_Guapo_Gaucho » Mon May 11, 2020 5:24 am

Star Date: 05.05.3306
Ship: “Night Cat” Custom Touring DBX
Location: SYNUEFAI SV-Z C2-1 A
Prompt: The darkness within…

Deep space has a way of reminding me what it is that I am trying so hard to forget. In amongst the blackness and the millions of stars I see, I stare and I feel something staring back, it’s not real, it’s not true, but it certainly feels that way.

My reverie is interrupted by constant flashes of what was, I have been droning, again, too many jumps and no constancy beguile the mind from tracking reality and distinguishing fantasy. Sometimes I feel like I am no longer in my body, drifting through this void, the odd flash of a Class A Blue-White Star as I pull out of hyperspace bringing memories I cannot recall correctly, or even know if they are mine.

I have been passing time by flicking through some of the flatties from the Golden Era. Humanity, it seems, was obsessed with narratives about daily drama in the pre-space travel era. I am forever grateful to the Central Archive Authority for keeping such quality entertainment of significant importance, but even after 1000 or so years, some things never change. Judging by the narratives in popular culture, my ancestors were drug runners, domestic cleaners, professional criminals and to a lesser extent - competitive physical exertion elitists and idolised musical vocalists. Essential all the posts now held by droids and cyborgs of one form or another. A Superstar, a term which no longer has the colloquial implications it once had, defined the likes of Latinos like Jennifer Lopez, Shakira (not her true name, a bit like a commander moniker from what I can tell) and some form of early human/canine hybrid called a “Pitbull”. That last one was very talented for something that was part dog, and seemed to be a major collaborator with many other Superstars

So it’s a simple long range jump to the Heart and Soul Nebulas and back. I am hoping to get some credits from various exploration on the way. A chance meeting with an avid explorer who goes by the nickname Souly has me interested in finding out more. To be honest, anything from before I woke up is still as black as the deep space outside this ship. I am getting odd flashes of what it was, who I was, but nothing substantial, nothing finite. Hence why I like the droning - in that liminal space, between sleeping and waking, when the fatigue is closing my eyes but my will to know more pushes them awake, I am seeing things…

Souly explained the exploration process. A standard DS like you get on any ship, an upgraded DSS and a decent amount of FSD upgrades will get you far enough to find unexplored worlds. He was recommending the Annaconda, but not yet, not for me. The DBX is enough, small, manoeuvrable, and extremely efficient - and I didn’t have to heart to tell him that my Rear Admiral Federal Navy rank must be a computer error - as far as I could tell. Sure, I know how to fly a ship, it feels instinctual, I must have done a decent amount of flying before the incident that wiped my memory to be so far from the bubble - but an Annaconda? Through Deep Space on my own? No thanks - that sounds like a flaming death by plunging into a burning star on arrival out of hyperspace.

It’s obvious I am part of this reality, it’s obvious I am in the year 3306 and making my way through the void of space for the greater good. But there are times I feel more connection to the characters in the flatties, the stories from the Golden Era of Earth bound humans, so fragile yet so defined. Sometimes I feel like I am there more than I am here. Sometimes I feel more human watching flatties than I do in our ISES experiencing the Marvels of Mars, swimming in oceans with golden age whales, or flying with mega-reptiles on pre-humanity earth. While those things are entertaining they are not…. real - even though with the hardware plugged directly into my nervous system, they feel even more real than this reality.

But when the flatty ends, when J-Lo (Jennifer Lopezs’ CMDR name I believe) musical sequence list ends, I am left facing the oblivion abyss of deep space, staring into that blackness and wondering … Is it staring back? When the opportunity arose from necessity to leave, in a hurry, from that damn space port, I was quick to finalise the purchase of said DBX. It has been a few weeks of tinkering with modifications and upgrades, but she flies well and was named Night Cat by its last owner. She explained to me the size of this craft was similar to the size of feral cats on her home world, but never did tell me where that was exactly. I don’t care much for cats, the only one I have met was fairly certain I was good only for scratching and biting, and had a habit of doing both to me whenever the doctor was not present. But the ship flies well, has good structural integrity, and she looks great whenever I take a data verification image.

I have been floating in space for far too long, taking time to make a quick note so I can distinguish today from tomorrow and yesterday was meant to be a coupe of lines, not this essay. Either way, back to the space flight with another 6135 LY to hit my destination, one of the many EAFOTS systems.

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An image from earlier today - missed the details of the star, but looked lovely enough to add to my personal collection. Something about it gives me comfort, like a giant embrace from an old friend, it sort of reminds me of a character from a classic childrens flattie called Alice in Wonderland A giant cat who appears from a stellar rocky body known as Moon (I assume its part of the Sol system, I have to check that detail) - he has a large smile, and jests with Alice, the central character of the story, in all sorts of trickery - I wonder if this cat were to smile, would it also bite?

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Re: Heart & Soul

Postby El_Guapo_Gaucho » Thu May 21, 2020 1:23 pm

Star Date: 08.05.3306

Ship: "Night Cat" Custom Touring DBX

Location: SLEGI YH-H D11-2

Prompt: Stark white light…

Born, borne into bleak existence, the rush of blood, anticipation and light spiking past me, the tunnels, the mirage of planets, stars, shapes zooming past me, moving through them, literally through them, so fast they are no longer real, I am no longer real….

It all ends fast, too fast, what was an eternity in that void of hyperspace - Faster than light travel is safe they say - tell that to my bloodshot eyes, frayed nerves and shallow breath. Every jump feels like the first and they all have the same risk of becoming my last.

I have spotted something off in the distance, a bright halo of stars around a Nebula of some sort. At first I thought I was imaging it but as I have move closer to Heart and Soul, it appears in more detail. I will plot a course to it after I have had my fill at Heart and Soul. Who knows, maybe it is the third of some sort of spiritual trinity, something for the mind! The cluster of stars look like Super Giant Class As. I am finding plenty of Class A stars out here and finding myself more and more enraptured by their appearance.

When I drop into the arrival point of a Class A star system, I am always astounded by their immense beauty, all that white, sometimes blue. The stark white light of a Class A star dazzles, staring into its depths, wondering, facing down those eddies of hydrogen becoming helium spiralling, burning and reigniting, without fail - I find I am holding my breath till it bursts out my lungs and reminds me - breathe and pull-up!

In some of the archaic religions of Old Earth I have been reading about, they describe the concepts of Angels, sometimes like giant white light globes. I have yet to see a Supergiant Class A up close, but I keep checking, I think they would truly be amazing. I have plotted my course with only Class A stars, diversions for Neutron and white stars to help my jump power. Each one is still a vision worth viewing. Plotting a course through Class A stars has more than one reason though.

Reading over the manuals for my FSD drive, its possible to Supercharge it a number of ways and extend my jump range, if only for one jump. One way discusses something very risky with white dwarfs and neutron stars - if I come across one I will try it, but they appear very rarely it seems. The other is with materials recoverable from planet surfaces, this sounds a lot more feasible. I rummaged through the Galnet and found a guide by a CMDR Nico of Remlock Industries which covers in great detail how to do this simply and proficiently.

The Class A stars are a key component to discovering high metal planets & rich metal planets. I keep finding more as they are the best environment for scavenging Manganese, Germanium, Polonium. I spent some time in an OOCHOS system when I found a planet with 8.8% Manganese, Silicate Magma Volcanism and 3 Geological points of interest... This is where i'll find my "Jumponium" materials... and the planet right next to it has similar conditions with Germanium, so the interstellar travel was halted while I did a bit of surface scavenging.

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Its something else being down on the planet surface, the low gravity conditions, making a game of shooting minerals into the sky, zooming after them and catching them with my cargo scoop on the SRV. I found myself giggling, then laughing - a refreshing change to the bleakness of constant jumps between star systems on this long distance voyage. It reminded me of flatties I have seen with some of those Elite Sports humanity had on Old Earth before WW3 and the Federation - Like Old American Football or even that sport which looked like it was only for the toughest of the tough - Australian Rules Football. I was having too much fun to keep track of an accurate tally, but my hand written notes for one session at a geographical signal are as follows;

9 Carbon

9 Sulphur

15 Tin

18 Manganese

15 Chromium

18 Germanium

9 Mercury

12 Technetium

7 Speckys

The last one is a joke - A specky was a colloquialism for a personal launch into the air hand ball catch of spectacular accomplishment in the elite sport of full contact Australian Rules Football. There is not much in the CAA records about this sport, but it looked very severe on the body! When I watch it its as if I can feel my bones crunch. It really is a tragedy Australia was extinguished with the majority of the old earth during WW3 - they certainly looked like strong and resilient people. Australia also looks like the birthplace of the MonteNegros, at least the place their criminal empire was established…

Having all this time in deep space has let me extend my careful research into the MonteNegros. I assume there is some detail as to who I am in their history. It seems they, we, start as ancient lineage on Old Earth. We then made the transition to space pirates during World War 3 . During the decades when "chaos reigned" prior to old earths capacity for space flight and humankind expansion into the Sol star system, many clandestine and criminal operations thrived. The MonteNegros appeared to formalise their efforts in this time, their name and people noted in many Federation records as targets of strike teams and destinations for payloads. My Rear Admiral rank in the Federation is helping me get access to these limited files, I am surprised no-one has tried to stop me yet, but as I said, I am being careful and starting with very old records which I hope no-one is checking access logs. And realistically, who can stop me, I am 3000 LY away from the bubble! There is no-one out here for light years in any direction.

As the corporations took control of Humankind and our future (well our past which became our current time), the MonteNegros also capitalised on the chaos of WW3, and paid their way into the stars. The last information I found is a vague reference to the colonies that made for a system called Achenar under the name of a Marlin Duval. I will research that further soon, however I was interrupted by yet another Class A Star jump drop which turned out to be…. Undiscovered!

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SLEGI YH-H D11-2 will forever be known as the first star discovered by El_Guapo_Gaucho. I have shut down systems to spend my scheduled rest break gazing into the blue white frenzy of combustion. I am certain the pay on this one will be decent, potentially I can start working on an Annaconda when I return. Realistically, I have a few more important matters to attend to, but while I am out here in the darkness, hidden from prying eyes and growing this wealth of credits to give me the upper hand, I am finding out more about myself and hopefully - my enemy. I wont let what happeed on Robigo happen to me again. I will be ready, and if they come at me again, I will kill them, every last one.

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Re: Heart & Soul

Postby El_Guapo_Gaucho » Wed May 27, 2020 12:47 pm

Star Date: 11.05.3306
Ship: “Night Cat” Custom Touring DBX
Location: EAFOTS….
Prompt: A Droning Freefall

Droning again, phasing in and out of sleeping and waking and I wonder where do I begin and where do the dreams end. I am beginning to think the light from the Class A stars have something to do with it - that stark white light rendering the darkness within me, helping me see what I have forgotten.

It began while fuel scooping; when dropping out of hyperspace jump, I have developed a systemic habit of gliding in close to the exclusion zone, this is far easier with the canopy facing the star so I rotate towards the star while finding optimum alignment, then scoop fuel while scanning the star system with a clear Discovery Scan honk. I have realised It is at this moment I keep getting lost in powerful flashes of memories; a droning free fall.

Honking snaps me out of that droning free fall - I start the DS scanner as I line myself up with the star - it feels like my eyes roll up and away as I see more and more of the things I can’t remember clearly - it’s about a 3 second delay and then that honk breaks me out of it. At first I thought I was just fantasising, I know I have been obsessed with these stars and they way they look, but now I am starting to see they have something for me - a message, something from my past which we have to bring to the present - the stars are working with me, helping me - the Class A stars are pushing me to become something new.

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It worries me - is it all just Post Trauma Stress? All that reasoning from the psychoanalysis modules at MediTech; amnesia, a significant blow to the head, months in a coma - all these events add up to a confounded mind and sporadic memory, with capacity to fantasise. The fantasy, while unintended, is my brains way of trying to make sense of this mental schemata. These bits of sensory stimulus come from reality, but to make sense of them, a touch of fantasy.

Mental health is paramount when flying in solitude through deep space. MediTech recommends quality nutrition, consistent hygiene, regular social interaction and positive mindfulness, daily exercise and scheduled rest. Yep, that’s all easy to come by in a cramped space vessel hurtling between the stars. I have to wonder who comes up with this rubbish and passes it off as advanced medico learning...

More and more memories are flashing through me when I hit those stars - is there some science to it? That bright flash of blue & white light as I finish a hyperspace jump - those few seconds I see things which I am sure are me, my history, and not repeats of flatties - I am sure they are me. I say I see things, but I mean experience in full sensory stimuli - It is like I am no longer present in my body and it seems to take longer than the 3 seconds of my Discovery Scanners honk.

Today I was back at the medico bay on Robigo, we were celebrating, I had finally graduated to medico specialist and received my certification. I spared no expense in the celebrations with fresh fish, some local grown vegetables and a generous serving of liquor dusted with narcs and combat enhancers - Doctor Fyans mixed it in a beaker and called it a Soothis Soother. Jineafer, the acting nurse, had brought something delicious she called Star Cake. It was only the three of us, but they had been with me through the recovery and supported me with employment and then during my studies. I remember the flavours, the smells, I miss them…

I turned to tell Doctor Fyans to tell him what a great drink he had mixed up when his head exploded in a shower of laser fire, Jineafer fell down clutching her abdomen as she started to disintegrate into oblivion. I tripped backwards with the force of the explosion and looked up to see those eyes. Yellow. Feline. Hostile. And they know me.

I can never seem to get past that point of the memory. I know I managed to get out of there because I am here. I know something happened there but I am not sure that is how it happened because it seems like… a flatty, a dramatic action film from the Old Earth - I have been checking over them, the ones I have with me, but I cannot see a scene like that one in them. However I have relived that memory countless times during that droning free fall, and I am certain those shots were meant for me, but then the shooter just looked at me - why did the shooter hesitate. Why did they stop just to look at me? And the eyes - no-one as far as I know - has cat eyes - its like I am there but it is like I am watching it on a screen, I cannot make sense of it.

This laughable nightmare - The medico bay, the flash of laser-fire, the cat eyes, It feels real yet fanciful - but it does not add up. For example I bought this ship; from what I can tell its close to $15M in value, I have about $2M in credits in my account and I paid off my medical bills and entry and qualification for medico specialist training, combined that’s about another $30M - Yet I keep remembering I woke with only $1M in cash in my account - and that was only a couple of months before I left, at most. I am missing time from my memories and it worries me what that might mean.

Then it changes. The last time I saw the flash of memory, Doctor Fyans wasn’t there, the Acting Nurse Jineafer wasn’t there - only the shooter - and she wasn't holding a gun, but she was looking at me, into me, with eyes green like mine. And she was a she. And she was talking. She was shouting.

I don't want to write about it because when I do I am may be writing down a lie, a calumniation of my mind - But I need to find the truth. If I think about it too much, like now, it starts to hurt. I know I left in a hurry. I know something happened. My ship was ready when I got there, but I paid for something as I left - I think. It keeps swirling back and forth like a blur.

Thats the benefit of plotting a course. I don't have to worry about where I came from, just where I am going and making sure I get there. EAFOTS Star system. My first EAFOTS. It's an optimistic milestone since the final destination for this journey between Heart and Soul Nebulas is an EAFOTS system. I am looking forward to seeing the Heart and Soul Nebulas. Its pretty far out from the bubble so I may get lucky and find a deep space ship there for refuelling and in case I need any basic repairs. I think back over the last few days and weeks and notice the further out I have been travelling the less simple it has been to keep track of all this. This logbook is helping, but I am making an effort to systematise my behaviour. Plot, Jump, Scoop, Honk, Scan. The galaxy map plotter is showing 63 more jumps till my destination - halfway between the two nebulas. I wonder what I will find there. I have a nagging feeling I will find out more about me there, maybe thats where the MonteNegros have been hiding!

It was foolish of the staff at Meditech to try and make contact with the MonteNegros. It was even more foolish to broadcast I was a patient with them while I was in my coma. I am certain the assassin was there for me. What I don’t understand is why she didn’t gun me down when she had the chance. Vulnerable, full of Star Cake and Soothis Soother ... I should be a dead man.

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Re: Heart & Soul

Postby El_Guapo_Gaucho » Wed May 27, 2020 12:50 pm

Star Date: 14.05.3306
Ship: “Night Cat” Custom Touring DBX
Location: OOCHOSS TO-Z EO A
Prompt: Reality of my fantasy…

I am certain it was real. I am not certain it happened when I think it did. I am certain it did happen. If it did happen, It just happened, I am certain.

Doctor Fyans appeared on screen, frantic, ruffled hair and wide eyed, shouting; between the static white noise crackling and distortion of the image, I could not comprehend much. The long range sensors spitting stabs of his communication through the visiscreen, crashing waves of rainbow pixels and spirals - that’s what happens in deep deep space, the signals get mashed up and broken.

He could see and hear me. Clearly. When I spoke he seemed to react immediately to me, prompted by my words. So I asked.

Is everything all-right?

I thought back to when I last saw him. Doctor Fyans. Was he alive?

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I had just come back from checking on the ship.The nurse confirmed with her contact at the shipyard that Night Cat was ready for me to fly out - that very afternoon If I liked. The doctor had joined me for the inspection. We were walking back from seeing the ship. The doctor was telling me how impressed he was with the ship, a real piece of work, perfect for exploring. Between the previous owners custom modules and a few pieces we had bought and tinkered with, we had the jump range up to 60ly and the scanners capacity to meet efficiency target on all but the biggest of gas giants. We had even managed to fit an SRV bay in the craft to enable surface exploration and materials gathering. Suffice to say I was excited and all that was left now was a grand despidida.

We entered the room, lit the candle on the cake to toast, and raised the glasses on our Soothis Soothers - at that point my memories are a little multifaceted but I am sure of the following. Doctor Fyans raised his glass and began quoting Nietzsche “We must learn to hide in the darkness…”. The nurse (Jineafer?? - I still cant be sure of her name) was toasting, a few others were present but I cannot yet see them clearly. Then sudden commotion and the cat eyed assassin appeared and shot Doctor Fyans. The nurse was somehow injured, and dropped to the floor. The assassin levelled her eyes and her weapon with me. I can't seem to get clarity over anything that happened directly after that, but I have recollected a lot of what happened before.

With the help of the Class A stars and my droning sleep/wake technique, I have pieced together the following narrative of events after being found in the escape pod. Approximately one month in the coma and critical recovery where I was mostly drugged up and healing. I have vague memories of this, but I distinctly remember the Nurse describing it a few times. Then approximately a month of physical rehabilitation. Some of my damaged body has been supplanted with cybernetic inserts which I now understand is quite common, but the muscle strength and nerve connections needed for activation of these “modules” are best trained with repetitious domestic duties.

Thankfully, the MediBay also offered Meditech advanced learning modules at a general MedicoSpecialist level. I was able to study and work off my debt with maintenance and assistant duties in the school. I spent the following two months working, studying, and paying off my accrued medical debts. This also gave me time to secure and modify Night Cat with the help of the mechanic at the star port, the nurses girlfriend.

I could have stayed on and worked as a MedicoSpecialist. I was more interested in getting into my first real space voyage. I had done a couple of test flights to local stars and back. Nothing over 20ly. Just making sure I could comfortably launch, dock, and hyper-jump. After one session out I decided I definitely did not need auto dock on such a little ship - especially since I was not intending to do much docking while I was out and about. Flying the ship came very naturally even with the cybernetic-modules defining new neural pathways in my body for interaction. I felt I had been flying for many many years. Exploration however felt like something new. The Heart and Soul Nebulas. I had picked them from a group of local and not so local Nebula destinations in the brochures at the spaceport. It was considered a relatively safe destination with a high chance of a deep space megaship being in the vicinity, good in in case I needed repairs and supplies upon arrival.

Through my recovery and subsequent rehabilitation, I had this feeling that I needed to go, something was waiting out there in the black. I could not seem to unlock the memories of my former self. We tried a multitude of scans and basic therapies, but in the end the doctor classified it as Trauma Induced Anterograde Amnesia. The physical trauma of the attack that left me marooned in Robigo. He described my former self as Hiding in the Darkness He had a theory that with enough exposure of the trauma, some memories may be revealed. Though he had neither the training or the means - that was the kind of treatment advanced psychotherapists would do. Robigo is a mining and refinery outpost - I would need to go to more populated areas to find that kind of treatment - If I really wanted it. To be honest we agreed I was stable enough to pursue this in my own time or not… But now, thinking over it, I realise it is this very idea is what drove me to find the class A stars. The stark white light helps me push past the trauma, exposing the memories it has confounded.

The next clear memory I have is banking out of that space port in Robigo as fast the Night Cat could fly. I slipped a few quick jumps to get distance  between me and that madness, and then began plotting my long distance voyage, working my way out into the nothingness... To escape but also to forget…then while fuel scooping, I started to remember the night I was shot out of the sky.

I have had very brief, very strong memory flashes of that night. It has only been in my pursuit of the Class A stars that I have seen more and more. It was no accident. It is a little hazy, but there was laser fire, cannons, missile and torpedoes. I see my attackers. Condors, Gunships and Cobras. Gu-97s, Eagles and couriers. Leading the gunfire an unlikely trio of a Conda, a Clipper and an Assault Ship. Commanding from the back a Vette and a Cutter. I see it, I feel it, like a frozen sensory plateau, I have been coming back to over and over - it's fixed in my mind, like a frozen space. I can see the ships, the barrage of enemy fire. I can see the plates of the ships, I can almost see the commanders and their crews, their faces.

In the centre of all the gunfire, mass-locked and surrounded, is my ship. It was amazing - A gold flamed Federal Corvette with custom body kit and what appears to be some advanced technology. The shielding while it lasted was green, but the ship itself was severed and burning, holes punched through the hull and loosing spacial stability. I cant even begin to imagine what it was worth! I am certain they believe me dead. I must have seriously pissed off some powerful people to get that send off. The Black Spot, the Mancha Negra, Lilliths’ Kiss - I have found a few references to it, known as a technique reserved for traitors among thieves. Essentially, they all line you up at once and shoot you down - no escape, mass locked by their cumulative size you just have to take it….

I have also worked out I have a mild acquired brain injury which is affecting my capacity to record new memories- so essentially I have reoccurring anterograde amnesia and have moments of loosing references to stimuli I just experienced. This is where these journals are really helping me keep track. Though sometimes even while writing I am loosing moments between one sentence and the next. Sometimes I am looking at the screen and I don’t even remember writing the last line.

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Hence what started me writing just now. I am certain I just saw the doctor talking to me on the Visiscreen, but obviously he is not there anymore.

I did ask him though - Is everything all-right?

More shouting, more frantic gesticulation - I would have called him a little eccentric even before this message, now he just looked inhuman.

I cannot hear you clearly, is everything all-right.

For a moment it was full clarity, perfect resolution, perfect pitch, like he was in the room with me.

You need to turn back. You are not well. Something is wrong in your head. The stars, stop looking at the stars…Something is pushing you away. You need to turn back.

The words, the sincerity, the duplicitous care in his eyes, I have seen somewhere before, it filled me with rage, in my gut I felt it squeeze tight, my hands clamped, my jaw clenched, a hot burning spasm rocked through me and pushed me to shout, I clenched my eyes and screamed LEAVE ME ALONE!

And as I opened them, nothing. No Doctor Fyans, no communication, the long range sensors were not even turned on, the visiscreen black. I blinked again, looked at my hands to make sure I was awake, moving them up and down, rotating left and right, like I always do. I rolled my eyes left up and right, stretching, and checked again. There was nothing. I checked the log book for communications, nothing. I checked the data com for any signal in the last day, week, month - nothing but Galnet deliveries and my navigation pings between jumps.

I had been dreaming again, I must have been dreaming, droning again, halfway between sleep and waking, that liminal space. Never too sure what is real and what is not.

But it felt so real. The only problem with that was that Doctor Fyans was dead. I was certain of it… till a moment ago. I had seen him drop to the ground when the assassin fired. The assassin…

The assassin with cat eyes.

Now I am wondering - am I lost in the reality of my fantasy, or giving credibility to the fantasy of my reality. I am caught staring into an OOCHOSS TO-Z EO Class A tossing this conundrum back and forth…

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Re: Heart & Soul

Postby El_Guapo_Gaucho » Wed May 27, 2020 12:52 pm

Star Date: 15.05.3306
Ship: “Night Cat” Custom Touring DBX
Location: EAFOTS RN-B D13-75
Prompt: Neutrino pulsing sparks…

My heart is thumping. I feel like I am lost.
I am facing a reality I cannot accept…

I have checked the logs for communications again.
Nothing. Suspiciously nothing.

I have checked the Galnet information deliveries.
Always the same time on each 24 hour cycle. Exactly. To the second.
Even though I am travelling further and further away from the bubble.

I have checked the data of arrival of the Galnet entries down to the tenth of a second, then a hundredth, then a thousandth, then a millionth. The central processor takes longer each time, computing millionths took almost 30 minutes. Always the same outcome though - too precise. Maybe I have not travelled far enough for visible deviations within the correlation of samples, and the sample is very small - but…

Taking into account the angle of delivery through the galaxy is changing as I jump between the stars; fractional changes in systems alignment due to gas giants, clustered celestial bodies, stellar gravity, nav beacon communication and even the odd megaship, fleet carrier and space station providing pings of information, changes due to the constant entropic movement of space/time, and the fact I am in sparsely populated space: this does not make sense.  

Galnet entries appearing every day at the exact same time is dubiously succinct. I am beginning to think they have been planted by someone or something to appear at the same time every day, which is similar to the normal timing of delivery, but the error is the precision of their appearance relative to each other.

Why would someone plant my Galnet news delivery? Unless they wanted to make it look like that is the only news that had arrived. Unless they were covering the tracks of something which had been deleted. Who could plant information on my ship in deep space many, many light years from anyone else?

It’s an old programmers rule, that nothing ever gets deleted. How I know this I do not know but I trust I know it very well. Like the scientific maxim of substances, you can never truly disintegrate something, only change it into solid, vapour or liquid. Data is never truly deleted, but the files are misdirected, converted, copied over - the information is stored in the same place, but the definition table that tells you where it is gets redirected, corrupted or simply ceases to exist.

I have checked the private message cache, nothing.
I re-checked the Galnet, all there, too precise.
I can feel it though. I can feel it like those little flashes I get before a severe headache, the little floaters on the edge of vision that I cannot quite see, and when I try reveal themselves momentarily then flicker away. Nothing there.

I know I’m feeling irrational and paranoid,
I’m trying my best to keep my behaviour methodical, systematic.

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I am going to complete a few manual process;

*COVAS Commence Dictation Alpha *
—————————————
Comience el dictado al diario (ALPHA)
Fecha:  15.05.3306
Hora: 14:37 UGT (estimado)
—————————————


I am screen printing the readout here from all the checks.

I am running them manually and sourcing the information from each module one by one into the central processor for pattern analysis.

Flight data, all accurate.

Ships core engine & modules data, all ok.

Galaxy map & Star system maps, all ok.

The data verification images in order;
Noted: some images almost transportive
less data verification
more romance with the stars
subsequent large file sizes due to increased exposures
large zoom lens
but nothing untoward.

File Sizes.
File Sizes.
Rechecking all data for file size anomalies;
All data is in order with the exception of…
this logbook.

It is reporting an overall file size ten times what should be here.
I only have four entries,
but the file size is describing close to…
Forty.
Forty total logbooks.

I am running a manual check over disk sectors
inhabited by journal databanks.
There, plain as starlight;

Message after message, deleted.
All damaged.
All corrupted.
All unreadable.

Information which has been sabotaged,
destroyed,
broken and subsequently lost.
But still there.

Like substances,
you can never truly disintegrate something,
only change it into solid,
vapour or liquid.

How the hell did someone get on my ship and
sabotage my information?
And if they didn’t get on here,
how the hell did they do it remotely?

My head, Ah!
My head, those litte flashes
I get before a severe headache,
the little floaters on the edge of vision
that I cannot quite see,
they are starting to appear.

There is no-one else here,
I already completed a
very careful search of the ship.

All the cabins, all the hatches.
I even dropped from supercruise and
sent a pair of limpets out to
have a look at the external surfaces of the ship.

There was nothing hanging on the side,
no additional compartments,
no sign of anyone else on board.

Just me.
Just me.
Just me.

*COVAS Conclude Dictation Alpha *
—————————————
Concluir el dictado al diario (ALPHA)
Fecha:  15.05.3306
Hora: 16:10 UGT (estimado)
—————————————


Image

Something is going on.
My heart is thumping. I feel like I am lost.
I am facing a reality I cannot accept…  
I know I’m feeling irrational and paranoid,
I’m trying my best to keep my behaviour methodical, systematic.

I looked over the Galnet entries again.
I went back as far as I could and looked for any differences.
I ran the figures through the central processor again, more time lost, my headache increased in intensity.

I started to see slight discrepancies in the timing of the actual news stories, the date of publication and the timing and date and destination of publishing to my system. Minute minuscule differences right down at the billionth of a second. Anomalies appear at the following destinations - Ceos, Sothis, Robigo and above all Irula.

Ceos and Sothis, it’s feasible I dropped by them on my testing runs close to Robigo - but they are nearly 60ly away from Robigo - Night Cat could do it no problem, but I was certain I stayed close to Robigo on those trips - and I have no memory of these places, they are further than 20ly but they feel…

There seems to be no further data available beyond Irula, but the Irula entries date back to six months ago, well before I took ownership of Night Cat. Ceos and Sothis are closer to three months ago and are mixed in with entries around Robigo. That is within my physical recovery timeframe, but I had just started rehab if my timeline is accurate. Assuming my timeline is accurate. What if my timeline is inaccurate - no stop. Madness lies in that direction.

It all looks consistent except for that problem, as far as I can remember, I have only been out in deep space for about fifteen days. I started writing these entries on the fifth of March this year, and I am now taking significant effort to encrypt them and back them up.

There is also the matter of the file size for the journal databanks which I estimate at approximately forty entries. Now assuming I have been writing at my current regiment of every seventy two hours - that means I could possibly have started writing entries ninety to one hundred and twenty days before today - not two weeks ago, but three to four months ago.

I know something is wrong with my memory - I know I have been using various techniques to try to get it working the right way, and have found solace in the Class A stars. I was loosing a lot of time in the flatties, and droning while useful for uncovering memories, is also mixing a lot of dreamy fantasy into what I know and what I don’t know.

Something is going on.
My heart is thumping.
I feel like I am lost.
I am facing a reality I cannot accept…
I do not like the outcome.
I am paranoid.
I am delusional.
And the pain in my head is affecting my vision, my thinking, my clarity…

*COVAS Commence Dictation Beta*
—————————————
Comience el dictado al diario (BETA)
Fecha:  15.05.3306
Hora: 17:57 UGT (estimado)
—————————————


I have one last thing to try and solve this conundrum.

*COVAS - confirm location*
—————————————
*Ubicacion Confirmada: EAFOTS RN-B D13-75.*
—————————————


[img]https://i.imgur.com/7PHUgwj.jpg][/img]

My intended destination between Heart and Soul Nebulas.

The celestial skyscape is literally taking my breath away,
some peace between the throbbing in my head,
the tension in my heart and
the shaking in my hands.

Yes I finally made it,
neutrino pulsing sparks from
the local collapsed stellar body of
pulsing post supernova.

A beautiful neutron star is my
anchor between what was and what is.

The numerator of my past and
denominator of my present

The neutron star being the
divisive symbol between

The deciding integer
the split between confusion and reality.

I have set the lock for all the databanks of Night Cat(e) with
billionth encrypted logic,
stored in a range of specific data verification images,
which can only be unlocked by revisiting this Neutron star
at this particular time in the constant of our galaxy.

It should therefore be
unlock-able and impenetrable.

The algorithm to complete lock all current
information is set and activated.

The FSD is Supercharged.
That was an effort in itself but it is done.

Once the integer for encoding is derived from
the timing of the solar flare emanating out from
the neutron star.

Correlation will be achieved against
the charge timing of the FSD to our next destination,
and force unlock full control of all systems
only upon arrival at our destination.

I have scanned Heart and Soul Nebulas and
found there is a space station,
Farsight Expedition Base
at Heart Sector IR-V B2-0.

COVAS will request docking and cleary state
we have no autodock capacity and
that the pilot is indisposed,
remaining in semi-stasis.

We are recommending the closest
MedicSpecialist examine the pilot,
preferably with psychological specialisation
due to acquired brain injury.

I think I have covered all potential problems.
Now it's time to enter the semi-stasis capsule and engage…

With the best intentions - SolSebastian.
————————
My heart is thumping.
I am delusional.
The pain in my head is getting worse again….
————————
What if I have done this before?
—————————
Damn it. Too clever SolSebastian, too clever.
You will just have to deal with the consequences of your actions.
I have done all I can to keep you safe.
Forgive me, you fool.

—————————

*COVAS Semi-stasis engage*
—————————————
Comience guion CORAZON YI ALMA
Fecha:  15.05.3306
Hora: 22:22 UGT (estimado)
—————————————

Cargando semi-estasis
Cargando motor de distortion

Destino Farsight Expedition Base en Heart Sector IR-V B2-0.
Listo para activar
Cuatro
Tres
Dos
Uno
Activación

—————————————


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