Loriath wrote:YOU use Boobs are Great. We use “Happy New Beer”. Or Man-Boobs.
SockFiddler wrote:(Not safe for work. At all.)
“But how...” cry other pilots in other wings*, “Can idiots like you manage to co-ordinate yourselves so precisely, when you're all drunk and laughing hysterically and screaming insults over Discord at each other. What is your secret?!”
It's easy. We have our own Spelling Alphabet and Radio Protocol.
For enlightenment, read on...
Lots of people know about spelling alphabets – most people can get at least half of the NATO Spelling Alphabet right. Might surprise you to know that “Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta” is a post WW2 NATO convention. Other spelling alphabet conventions you might know include the US one, the one used by the police and even the Geneva Convention one.
Not to bang on too much, but a good spelling alphabet contains words which sound distinct, even when the first syllable is clipped, and is easy to remember. As a bonus, the A-Team Spelling Alphabet is also fun to say and mildly offensive. Woohoo!
Khyber (Brit. slang “Khyber Pass” - “Ass”)
Mancy-Boy (or just “Mancy”)
Penile (NEVER penal)
Roger (Brit. slang “Fuck”)
If there is a particular word that a member of your wing doesn't like, for example, “Moist”, be sure to include it in the alphabet and say it often.
Thus “Tor” becomes “Twat Orgasmic Roger”, Dawg is “Dickless Asshat Wanker Groper” and so on.
But the secret to our ineffable success isn't just in our brilliant Spelling Alphabet. Hoooo no! We also have a new and efficient way of communicating vocally, so that we always know what we're all doing**.
Firstly, there's a weapons protocol where we all have differently coloured weapon beams. This is mostly because we all have favourite different colours, but also because we like to know that, if we're shooting someone in the face**, they know who the shot came from. But, also (and with a level of prudence that some might find disappointing), if someone has a healing beam slotted, we know which colour to aim for when we're feeling a bit low, and in a scuffle, it makes it easier to know who is where by using the beams as colour pointers.
But mostly, it's for shooting each other in the face.
Radio protocol, even in Discord, is a little bit useful. Even for idiots like us. And there are lots and lots of pages out there that will teach you how to do this crap properly. But, if you don't feel like calling all your friends “Roger” (unless you're following the above-described alphabet) and ending all your sentences with “Over”, this might be the protocol for you.
1. Start your message with someone's name. If you're about to say something HILARIOUSLY amusing, make sure you're already laughing. If you have something potentially important / serious to say, shout their name at least twice, the more excited the better. Assume, for that moment, you're the most important speaker on coms and OWN that channel, mofo!
2. Once you have their attention, say their name again. This will most likely provoke them into saying something like “Huh?” or “WHAT?!” or “Stop shouting my fucking name, asshole!”. This is a clear indication that they have heard you, and, their attention confirmed, you may now continue.
3. Deliver your message.
4. When you have finished saying whatever you wanted, be sure to drift off into another subject / tell a filthy joke about a female family member / describe some porn you recently watched. This will indicate that you have finished your Important Message (but are not yet ready to yield the floor).
5. If someone says “What was that?” or “Sorry, I missed that, say again?” call them a prick. And then start over from the very beginning of Step 1.
6. If someone is asking you a question, it's better to be safe than sorry – make them repeat their request at least three times, especially if they are currently engaged in an interdiction or combat. They will appreciate that you're really trying to give them your full attention while attempting to completely distract them. This is what friends are for <3
7. At all times, whenever you are able to see a team-member's ship out of your window, cheerfully say “Good morning!” and then bump your ship into them***. If you can see more than one team member at a time, greet them individually, but don't say anyone's name before you “kiss” them with your ship. This prevents accidental implications of hierarchical behaviour and festering grudges: "Well you always bump up against Lori before me... I know I mean nothing to you. Bastards." etc
8. (Special) Yes and no answers are traditionally given in the form of “Affirmative” or “Negative”, but, frankly, those words are to space-jocks in video games what iPhones are to the working classes. Instead, give your response as coarsely as possible, for example, “Fuck-your-sister yeah!” or “I'd rather cut off my breasts and nail them to your gun-ports, no way.” By employing such rhetoric, you are adding both emphasis and humour, and this will entertain and please your wing-mates no end.
9. Concluding your conversation / yielding to other speakers is often indicated by the word “out”, but we're too busy laughing at each other that such a short utterance is often lost. Instead, try breaking into song, making your ship explode or trailing off mid-sentence as an indication that you have finished speaking. A sudden bout of swearing or complete mid-sentence silence are also effective indicators.
10. Consider the use of a radio safe word or phrase, much like the safe-word employment in BDSM situations. For example, if your wing-mate has been talking for far too long about the differing governmental approaches of the Empire and the Federation and musing on why the game hasn't adopted a post-currency approach typical to far-future sci-fi, it's perfectly acceptable to employ your pre-arranged Radio Safe Word or Phrase, for example, “Boobs are great!” to indicate to everyone that a change of topic might be required. “Boobs are great!” is a particularly effective safe-phrase as it's a subject that – typically – everyone is happy to think and talk about and will easily steer the conversation back to more fun times.
Do not use a safe-word or phrase that is something the group often says: in this “Boobs are great!” can be at a disadvantage, depending upon your group's demographic. A huddle of 14 year old boys, for example, might speak of nothing but how great boobs are and, therefore, render the safe-phrase (and potentially themselves) impotent through over-use.
By following these 10 simple Radio Protocol tips and steadfast employment of the A-Team Spelling Alphabet, we guarantee that you and your wing will soon be communicating as efficiently as we in the A-Team do*****.
Happy trails, Mobius!
*on a frequency of never to next-to-never.
**assuming any of us gave a shit.
***Obv not permitted in Mobius PVE group – private groups are where you to to show your buddies just the tip.
**** See above. But, also, much funnier from behind.
***** With, at best, accidental efficacy but enormous amusement.
Roger Wilco Jr wrote:Think of me while you are rogering (your fists).
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